Does Your Truth Hurt?

Difficult to Speak Truth

How hard is it for you to say your truth?

What happens when you see something you are in complete disagreement with?
Do you squirm yourself to silence, inside?
Or flick out the truth like you were tossing a handful of coins in a fountain?
And how about the truth of the way you feel?
Like—let’s say—when you feel scorched with jealousy?
Or unhappy with the way your lover is treating you?
Can you be simple and direct about where you are?
Or do you go to internal overload—like a nuclear power plant in Code Orange, internal sirens blaring?
How about when someone hurts your feelings?
Or disappoints you?
Can you out yourself?
Or do you slam shut like a clam?

What the heck are we so afraid of?
That life as we know it would come to an end?
We would get fired?
Our lover would quit us?
Friends would leave us?
Family might shun us?

When you bury your truth inside, the opposite happens.
You silently and internally fire your boss.  Break up with your lover.  Quit your friends.  And turn your back on your family.
Your truth is your Divinity talking to you.
Otherwise known as your life force.
If you don’t pay attention to her, She can’t exist.

This is not just your challenge, or mine.
There is an international epidemic of women withholding their truth.
The world is starving for the voice of woman.  Parched.
And this is not just a challenge that women face now.
It is a challenge that women have had historically.
When I was in Tanzania a few months ago, we took a few days in Zanzibar. (Now those are words I can’t believe I got to write, much less, experience!)
I swam in the Indian Ocean, went to a spice farm, and visited a place with the most magical name ever.
The House of Wonders, in Stone Town.

Built in 1883, the House of Wonders was the first place in Zanzibar with electricity.
Now it is a historical museum of the Swahili and Zanzibar culture.
I learned something.
Throughout East Africa, women wear a very specific style of dress, called the Kanga.
The Kanga is a brightly printed piece of fabric, with a strip of words in Swahili down one side.  The words are sometimes a proverb, but sometimes, even more incredibly, they are an outside expression of something going on inside a woman.
Women would wear their truth on the outside.
If a woman was attending the wedding of a girlfriend who was marrying a wealthy, hot man, she might wear a kanga saying “I am desperately jealous of you and your husband!”  Or if she was feeling cocky and flirtatious and very hot, her kanga might read, “You know what I’ve got, what are you staring at?”  Or if she was having a bad day, it might read, “My fate is to be poor, so why should I be enthusiastic about anything?”

I loved this.
Beyond loved.
Well, when a woman is able to live her truth on the outside, she sets herself free.
Free from the invisible slave chains of a culture that asks her to keep herself small and cooperative.  Free from the expectations and demands of what others want from her.  And free to live her full throttle life force—her connection to her divinity.
Truth is sexy.  It is awkward.  It is fresh and delicious.  It is challenging.  It is scary.
Truth is like chlorophyll.
It creates oxygen, not only for you, but for everyone in your world.
It creates freedom.
You and everyone around you are cut loose from cultural bondage.
The wind of inspiration blows through your hair.
And the world can breathe because a woman has declared herself a priority.

What would happen if we adopted that tradition?
Of wearing our insides on the outside?
What truth would you tell someone today?
What would your Kanga say?
How would your life change if you could speak your deepest most vulnerable truth to everyone in your world?
Tell me in the comments below.

And if you’d like to inspire another woman to speak her deepest truth today, please share this post.

With so much love and pleasure,
Mama Gena

P.S. Become a truth connoisseur in the Womanly Arts Mastery Program.

Regena Thomashauer (Mama Gena) is the founder of Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts (, the only institution that has taught women to use the power of pleasure to have their way with the world, for over 15 years internationally. She is a bestselling author, creator of the Womanly Arts Mastery Program, and has been featured on TEDx, 20/20, NPR, and The New York TimesJoin her newsletter for free, ivy-league education in being a woman. You can also connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

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  • Gena- Beautifully written and wonderfully inspiring. My mission and passion, as well. Thanks for sharing.

  • Elaine Springer

    You post reminds me of the beauitful song, Say, from John Mayer : Saying one’s truth is important for men, too !

  • Thank you so much for this post. Your timing was impeccable. As a result, I just communicated with a friend who had been unknowingly hurting my feelings for some time.

    But I’d like to say something about the term “my truth”, which tends to be misused, I think. I have often had people communicate to me hurtful, selfish “truths” behind that moniker: “Well, I’m just speaking my truth.” When the truth is what they are saying is not factually true, but what they FEEL instead. And let’s be honest with ourselves, sometimes how we feel isn’t necessarily true in any sense of the term. I might feel as though I’m being ignored by my husband, when really he’s preoccupied with work worries. I might feel as if I’m being snubbed by the new girl, when really, she’s just shy. I might feel as though my friend is wrong about something, when really, I don’t completely understand her rationale.

    Also, I would caution against speaking any truth in a hurtful, thoughtless manner. While the truth can sometimes hurt, just because it is the true does not mean that its delivery should not be packaged with love and kindness.

    Lastly, I do believe that sometimes it isn’t necessary to communicate truth, especially when it is hurtful. I believe that one should always ask him or herself: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Sometimes, the truth just isn’t necessary.

  • Mama Gena

    so glad you enjoyed the post, anham! and thank you for this thoughtful response. when we communicate the truth of how we feel, we create freedom for ourselves and everyone around us. keep trusting your personal communication style!

  • Mama Gena

    absolutely, elaine! thanks for the song

  • Mama Gena

    thank you, chris, for joining me in this mission

  • You are welcome, Regena !

  • Right on Sister! Totally agree that the Truth is crucial in life in many many situations. It is also not always necessary. It can be damaging if misused, or delivered without compassion.

  • Thanks Gena, for such a thoughtful and enlightening essay. Love the concept of Truth Couture. Hmmm, someone needs to call Donna Karan. We’re unknowingly conditioned from nursery school to be closeted with our true feelings. I Love the reminder that Truth is our Divinity trying to be heard. I ignored it at my own peril for many years, gained copious amounts of weight to shut the voice of Truth up, but it couldn’t be done. Once I made friends with the Truth and started paying attention to who I really am (the inner always precedes the outer manifestation), the weight finally released itself. I’m 185 pounds lighter and unquantifiably happier. I still have my challenges with being Truthful with my feelings, so thanks again for a positive and very useful way to begin my Sunday. And thanks to the wonderful Dr. Frank Lipman for reposting this in his newsletter. PS – my bucket list is now a little longer: Zanzibar Here I COME!